Randomalities to the Future

So, it’s Sunday, which means I’m—in all probability—eating Chinese Food and drinking a Coca-Cola though I’m contemplating going to a bar and drinking beer instead. And the reason I’m eating Chinese Food? I don’t know. I felt like Chinese and this is even though its on my list of second tier foods. And the thing is, I don’t usually have a hankerin’ for second tier foods. I mean, most times there are enough first-tier foods to sate my hunger lust. Considering that they are first-tier foods for a reason. I can eat them again and again under almost any circumstance. So, why do I find myself here on this computer writing about Chinese Food, Coca-Cola and now listening to Sparta.

Well, the (obvious) answer to the question: “Why am I eating Chinese?” is simple; I’m hung-over and there is no accounting for hung-over taste, it’s sort of like when pregnant women have the inexplicable desire to eat ten gallons of ice cream and pork rinds, except in my case its because I drank an inordinate amount not because I drank an inordinate amount and then forgot to use a prophylactic.

So, now I’m drinking my second favorite soda and listening to a shitty band play shitty music because I figured I might as well complete the chain, and not be happy (absolutely) about anything. So, now that my insatiable desire for Chinese Food has been sated, I might as well create a list of foods, split into groupings that my taste buds tend to agree with. If you don’t agree with my list then you should probably get your own forum to write on (Wow, I got unleashed there for a second).

Generally Un-edible
- Stuff that’s green
- Watermelon
- Cantaloupe
- Melons in general
- Squash
- Sweet Potatoes with those Marshmallows on top; I hate those. They always seem like they SHOULD taste good, and they never do.
- Popcorn flavored jellybeans

Periodically Eat-able
- Thai Food
- Chinese Food
- Vietnamese Food
- Popcorn
- Salads
- Octopus
- Endangered Species’

Stuff That I Generally Like though it’s probably killing me
- Pizza (Hawaiian)
- Corn on the Cob
- Indian Food—Naan
- Steak
- Potatoes (preferably baked or mashed)
- Stuffing
- Honey-Baked Ham
- Japanese Food (Sushi included)
- Mexican Food (especially Chile Rellenos)

There's High Culture, There’s Low Culture and there’s Pop Culture

I used to think that I was a high culture kind of guy. I’d talk about dead artists with my girlfriend/mom/dad/local transients for the longest time. It didn’t matter; I wanted to talk about it. I don’t know why I would do this, but my bet is that it was probably an attempt to seem smart and marginalize the experiences of other people. Probably, I thought I had better taste or could learn more about art from a single painting, or a single album than anyone else could learn from all of the art in the world. In short, it’s probably because I was a teenager.

At the time, I think I liked art because I thought it could explain the emotions and feelings of an artist in his era. In conjunction, I thought they probably captured the zeitgeist in which they lived.

Today, I don’t care about high culture art. It honestly makes no difference to me. Now don’t take this the wrong way, Vincent Van Gogh painted some really cool stuff and I like to gaze at it, but there is no way that I think Starry, Starry Night reflects the feelings of an entire culture. I look back on my past self and wonder how I ever could have thought that a guy who was crazy enough to cut his own ear off ever could have had that same lobe to the ground understanding the pulse and needs of the general public.

I like low culture art, and it is not because I like ideas contained in pop art like the acceleration of culture (which probably exists to some extent) or moral relativism (which is on display throughout this journey). I like low culture art because it tells me what I should be or at the very least, what other people think I should be. I think I probably like it because of marketing executives.

Marketing executives have one job; to advertise through creating art in the hopes that it will induce me to consume said product. Therefore, they are creating art they think I will like (and buy) in hopes I’ll spend my hard-earned bones on their wares. Low culture art tells me about what I should be through the eyes of others. I think this form of art reflects our era better than a thousand contemporary pieces of high culture art.

I’ve seen every Saved by the Bell episode at least two or three times, and I’m proud to admit it. Saved by The Bell characterizes what people thought a normal high school experience in the early ‘90’s should be (maybe) minus the comic relief of Mr. Belding. Now, in the early ‘90’s I was in fourth grade and as such I thought every thing Zack Morris did was not only ubercool but entirely plausible. I saw no reason why the coolest kid in school wouldn’t be able to call timeout and have an internal monologue with an exterior audience. I also thought it was totally normal that Zack would only have five friends even though that’s sort of an antithesis of being cool (I guess I thought that the most important facet of coolness was exclusivity or something). It didn’t even register to me that Zack’s friends were all high school stereotypes. None of this mattered. What mattered is that as early as fourth grade I knew what was expected of me in high school because Saved by the Bell explained it to me.

This cultural significance is what makes Saved by the Bell more important than any high culture art form. It is cultural art. This is what we expect life to be. If you were to put pop art in a time capsule it wouldn’t be a very good reflection of the beauty that humans can create outside of societal norms, it would be a reflection of the experience of living within societal norms. Pop art teaches us how we actually expect ourselves to live. It is a reflection of us. I think this is somehow more beautiful.

New Rules

Ten Rules I Live By

1. Never bet on Peyton Manning in the playoffs.
2. Watch “24” every week bar none. In fact, I’ve only ever missed one episode of 24. At the time, a girl and I were going through a long break-up— this was the final straw. No one keeps me from my man-crush on Jack Bauer.
3. Watch the O.C. every week
4. Always be able to see my penis. When I get older I want to be jovially plump, but my grandpa is a little bit out of control. The penis test is the best way to make sure you’re never too fat. If you can’t see your penis, lose some weight. Reader’s Note: I don’t actually know what my Grandpa’s status on the penis test is. However, he is a very rotund man.
5. If at all possible, drive, don’t fly. Of course, from what I hear, gas is a precious commodity and this is a ridiculous waste of said resource. Still, I’m American and, as such, I just don’t care.
6. Listen to Bill Simmons and never bet against Tom Brady, Larry Bird, and/or any other random Boston sports figure.
7. Star Trek: The Next Generation was superior in every way to the original Star Trek.
8. I don’t drink coffee because it’s not good for me, I do drink copious amounts of alcohol most days of the week. I’m very selective about my life choices.
9. Give a dollar to every bum I see because he could be Jesus. I’m serious about this. One time when I was a young child, I made fun of a bum and my Dad told me it wasn’t a nice thing to do—I knew it wasn’t nice when I did it, but that’s not the point. Everyone knows children can be mean (sometimes I think they’re the worst people on the planet). He told me that I should always be nice to bums because it could be the Son of Man himself. I understand now that this would mean that Jesus had returned and that the world should be somewhere near the apocalypse, but as a young child I thought it was totally plausible that God’s son could be the bum I would never see again, and this one time I talked to him would be the only time I talked to Jesus. Not surprisingly, I gave bums all of my money.
10. I only live by nine rules.