I Predict A Riot

I just graduated from an institution of higher learning with a dual degree. This is not too important. A million people do it ever year so I can’t imagine this achievement is all that significant though (I guess) others would disagree. At least, the graduation parties were epic.

However, there is a relatively important aspect to the graduation ceremony and it has a lot to do with two dichotomous ideas; confusion and epochal behavior. In fact, the confusion is (probably) related to the epicness of the situation. Here’s what I mean; when a recent graduate—in this case me—is sitting in the hot, hot sun waiting to be commenced, his skull is constantly bombarded with the hopes of those older than him. They tell him, “It is now time for you in the class of____ to go and use the education that has so luckily been bestowed upon you. You owe it to society, to your parents and most of all, to yourself…blah, blah, blah.” This is a pretty epic sentiment, all things considered. Moreover, it is quite confusing. I mean, here most of the class of ____ is; they’re sitting in the hot, hot sun (most likely) slightly hung over and in utter disbelief that life sans a parental safety net is about to start. And here’s the thing, at the time this person—in this case, me—is incredibly jubilant about this turn of events.

However, sooner or later three months pass by, and you should be going back to school because, you know, it’s what you’ve always done. And finally, it hits you. We live in a society that endeavors to educate its children for one-quarter of their lives before unleashing those same children into the world like a whirlwind. Except, most of these children have no idea where they’re going. This is (pretty) confusing, all things considered.

Now, I’m not saying there’s necessarily anything wrong with this. Young adults have been graduating from college since slightly before I was born, and they’ve accomplished some pretty epic things. I mean, the fact that this essay was written on a computer and turned in via the internet is (sort of) mind-boggling when you really think about it. But is it really that epic? What constitutes this kind of behavior? Can it be achieved through technological innovation? Or is it strictly an emotional attachment to one’s fellow man? Is the creation of the computer truly an achievement? What about the telephone? These are tools that supposedly make our lives simpler, but in reality make them infinitely more complex. Is this the kind of innovation I’m supposed to aspire to?

I can’t imagine that a farmer who pre-dated the Industrial Revolution had a very complex life. He toiled in the field day in and day out, and if he had a house and a healthy family at the end of his days, his life’s goals were fulfilled. Would technological innovation have made his life more fulfilling? I doubt it. Who knows, maybe breakthroughs are supposed to make my life more difficult. This leads us to the crux of this essay namely, how can we define epochal behavior?

It seems to me that certain ways of life will always be unnervingly epic. For instance, people who devote their life to the service of others will always be noble. Unnervingly noble. (Unnervingly because it makes me feel worse about myself; noble because they are.) But where does that leave the rest of us? If we’re not Mother Teresa, then what are we? What do you do if you don’t have her lion-heart?
Perhaps, the key is to have the funds to champion your pet causes like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet? Maybe having an inordinate amount of money to throw at societal problems is the master stroke that truly illustrates one’s grit. It seems to me that this type of philanthropy is self-serving, but not, necessarily, any less fulfilling. Except now, the problem is that Bill Gates has a fortune to give away, while I’m just a recent college graduate with naught but words and a few dollars. How do I make a difference? Maybe, I should give what I can to the bum who makes his home under my stoop. In fact, I think I’m going to do that….I’ll be right back.

(Four Minutes Later)

I’m back. I bet I just made that local transient’s day, and this makes me really believe that money may be the key. Maybe Bill Gates has figured out how to be epochal. Maybe epochal behavior is creating a company with your friend’s operating system and then squeezing out the competition for twenty-five years before taking the fortune you amassed to impoverished lands. I think that sounds about right. It’s the American Dream really: a house, a white picket fence and a personal fortune approaching thirty billion dollars.

All snarkiness aside, the real problem is this; it is true that when a person graduates from college, life is the vista over which we all look, and the possibilities are (mostly) endless. However, it is also true that, from an epic perspective, many of the people overlooking their personal vista won’t amount to a hill of beans. It’s a simple fact; eventually life takes over. Those same young adults graduating this summer will cultivate their own children and then the whole process will start over again culminating with them attending their own child’s commencement at which time the vista will open for that person. And the point is that life is hard and in the face of such an endeavor (life), who has time to worry about epicness as it pertains to making society better.

This kind of philosophy is tragic but not necessarily dangerous. It is a philosophy resultant of the coupling of the impossibly high standards and ridiculously low initiative that characterizes this country. But you know what, if I’ve learned anything; it’s this. Noble deeds do not exist only in those epic gifts, but in the mundane gift of a dollar to a bum because it really is true that if you can make one person’s life better then you can change the world. Even if that bum just spent the money I gave him on two forty’s and some Cheeto’s…. at least he’s eating.